You're The Mom
by Serenity Prime
Summary: In which Clint and Natasha find a strange picture, Pepper and Bruce want Steve and Tony to hook up, and Thor turns Rhodes into a giant baby. Fury wants in on the bet and things just get plain ridiculous. T for cussing, lots of Crack, eventual Stony
1. Chapter 1

Natasha wasn't sure what to make of the photo in front of her. She had recently heard about a picture roaming around the internet that had fans rather _interested_ in Tony and Steve… and Rhodes of all people. When she saw the picture she could kind of understand why. It was a picture of Captain America and Iron Man (How anyone could get that, she would never know) and then on the bottom a picture of War Machine with the caption "_**Mom? Dad**_?"

"What'cha looking at, Nat?" Clint asked as he walked in to the kitchen.

"I found the source of our strange fan predicament. Terrible photo shop skills… and a stupid caption." She replied staring at the picture intently.

"Lemme see!" The master assassin exclaimed looking over her shoulder. "I don't get how that's been causing the whole "Steve and Tony are gay" argument."

"Read the note on the bottom." Natasha said letting her amusement get the better of her.

"The real question is 'Who is the mom?' Pfft… That's a good question." He said. "But I still don't see why this is the cause of the argument."

"Let's go to a magical place on the internet called 'Tumblr.' It will answer all of your questions." She said with a laugh.

Barton was surprised at the website with huge debates on the sexuality of his team mates. He was actually surprised at how well the arguments were proposed, considering that these were mostly teenage girls who had a thing for gay animated porn.

"It does have my answer." He said with raised eyebrows.

"Teenage girls can get surprisingly political… especially when it comes to sexuality." Natasha noted.

"Oh hey, you guys found the picture I made!" Bruce announced walking into the room with mild amusement.

Clint and Natasha sat there flabbergasted at the announcement of the normally serious man. "You made it?" They chorused in perfect unison.

"With some help; Pepper got the pictures I just did the editing." He replied with a shrug as he sat down and opened his laptop. "She's been trying to get them together for months now."

"Why?" The two asked in unison.

"She and Maria have a bet that me and Tony will screw or Steve and Tony. I would rather Steve and Tony considering how much sexual tension they have." He replied without even looking at their shocked faces.

"Hey guys… oh they found the picture!" Pepper said walking in.

"Yeah…!" Bruce replied.

"Greetings friends!" Thor announced walking in as blind as pepper to the shocked faces of Clint and Natasha.

"Ah! What is that?" He asked looking at the photo. "Are the man of Iron and the soldier parents to this person?"

"No… It's a terrible joke made by Bruce and Pepper." Natasha replied finally gaining back what was left of her sanity.

"It's a catalyst." Bruce and Pepper protested.

"What is?" Everyone stopped to see Steve, Rhodes, and Tony standing there with confused looks on their faces.

The room became pregnant with a silence that left everyone simply staring at the screen. Thor spoke first and said, "I was unaware that the man named Rhodes was a product of your consummated nuptials or that your two were married!"

Steven blushed like a catholic school girl while Tony stared at them.

"Who the hell said I was their baby?" Rhodes snapped.

Natasha quietly showed them the picture. Tony, Rhodes, and Steve stared at it for a long while making the silence in the room feel colder than Loki on a spring morning.

Tony finally broke the silence. "Steve is obviously Mom." He then walked out with a proud look on his ever smug face.

Steve became quiet while his face reddened in fury. "I AM NOT THE MOTHER!" He yelled after Stark.

Tony stopped and turned to him. "Stop your whining, and go make me a sandwich. You are obviously the woman."

"I am twice the man you are."

"Oh please we both know that you're the type to bake cookies and fresh apple pie."

Thor watched this for a moment before calling on the magic of Asgard to go to Rhodes. What happened next no one could've imagined. After a giant cloud had engulfed the man while Thor was laughing loudly, Rhodes stood in the middle of the room dressed in a giant one piece baby suit with a bonnet on his head and bottle in his hands. The kicker was that the outfit was all pink.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Mommy I believe that was the child."

"Go burn Stark."

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**So this was strange to write O_O I have no regrets for this being my first Avengers fan fiction. I think I might make it a full story if inspiration hits me.**

**Please review :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**SO I decided to make this thing a full length fic with eventual Steve/Tony!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Nick Fury walked into the Avenger's tower with Maria Hill at his side. He came for one reason only: He wanted in on the bet. Pepper was surprised to see the serious man.

"Hello Director." She greeted politely.

"Miss Potts." He replied. "You, Agent Hill, and I have something serious to discuss."

"We do?" she asked surprised.

"We do." He stated. "Follow me."

Pepper raised her eyebrows before following him. The three walked until they were in a secluded area. Pepper looked at Maria who had an amused smirk.

"I want in." Fury stated.

"In on what…?"

"The bet you and Agent Hill have I want in."

"What can we put you down for?" Oh this was going to be fun.

"My bet is that Stark will have the captain against a wall on the next mission I send them." A smug grin appeared on the director's ever stern face.

"I bet it'll be by the end of the week!" Maria snapped.

"I bet by tonight." Pepper stated confidently.

"I'll put in 100." Fury announced.

"I'm down for three hundred." Maria and Pepper chorused.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you ladies but I have an organization to run and bitches to smack so we're going to have to cut this shindig short." With that being said, Fury and Hill took there leave.

Pepper watched with one thing in mind: She had to get Tony and Steve drunk enough to screw by midnight. There were only two problems: One, Tony and Steve were still pissed off at each other. Two, she did not know anything that could in fact get them drunk off their asses.

"Lady Pepper!" Thor announced surprised at her entrance.

"Hey Thor… Thor, can I ask you something?" She said with sudden realization. "How easily can someone get drunk with alcohol from Asgard?"

"ON Asgard it takes many drinks… on earth maybe two or three cups… May I ask why?" HE replied with curiosity.

"I want to get Steve and Tony drunk." She stated.

"I bid you luck, milady. Those two refuse to even be in the same room together. In fact, the captain has left the building for a week." He stated.

"You've got to be kidding me!" She cried!

* * *

**Short ass chapter. Yes Pepper ships Stony!**


	3. Chapter 3

**More crack coming your way~**

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"Dammit!" Maria and Pepper cried out in their girls' night.

"Fury's gonna win." Maria groaned.

"There goes my money!" Pepper cried.

Natasha rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath as she took a sip of her vodka. Honestly this was getting stupid. Steve and Tony needed to hurry and kiss so this could come to an end. She was really getting tired of people's shit.

* * *

Tony was in his lab working idly while singing along to a random song.

Bruce walked in with small sigh and sat next to him. "Tony you need to admit you love Steve so Pepper can stop forcing me to make propaganda." He whined.

"I do not love the Capsicle." He snapped.

"Tony I have heard you in the bathroom, do not tell me otherwise." Bruce replied.

"Oh shit…"

"You're not exactly the quiet type…"

"I see…"

The two stood there awkwardly for a moment. Bruce had to stifle several giggles at the now red Tony. It was just too cute!

"Friends!" Thor cried as he entered. "The man of one eye is in dire need of us!"

"Fury? What does that pimp want?" Tony scoffed.

"We have a mission it seems!" Thor replied as obviously as a little girl in a candy store.

Tony and Bruce looked at each other before shrugging and following Thor as he led them towards the rest of the team. Tony unconsciously took a seat right next to the captain who did not even threaten him.

_OH god is this old spice? So hot… _Tony thought as he breathed in Steve's scent.

_Please tell me he noticed that I used old spice? Maybe I should've gotten on a horse… _Steve thought anxiously trying not to look at the playboy billionaire philanthropist.

Pepper entered the room and silently whined in her head _WHY WON'T THEY JUST SCREW ALREADY?_

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**Sorry for the late short chapter! I've been really busy! I just graduated and I got a babysitting gig and I've barely had time to sit and crack myself up. I've also started working on a comic and the script is such a pain~ Please enjoy**


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